This post has been medically reviewed by Dr. Sarah Mathis, D.O.
Hi! I’m Anna and I struggled with infertility and miscarriage before doing ALL the things to get happy, healthy, and pregnant! I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope you stick around and find some good info and inspiration on your fertility journey!
For some lucky women, getting pregnant is easy. They can drink heavily, eat junk food, and have sex once two days before their period is due and wind up having a fifth child.
For those of us taking the scenic route to our baby, there comes a time when you do everything you can to ensure conception. We eat a perfect fertility diet that is tailored to our needs, we eliminate fertility harming toxins, and we develop a fertility mind-body practice.
And, of course, we want to make sure we have sex in all the best ways to increase the possibility of conception!
Whether you are just starting to try to conceive, or if you are battling a diagnosis of infertility, these evidence-based tips will help you maximize your chances of getting pregnant! They helped me have my miracle children, and I hope they help you too!
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- Have sex daily. Have sex once a day for every day you’re not menstruating. Seriously. Research shows it optimizes chances for conception and increases sperm counts, and of course, you’ll feel great, get endorphins, be energized, bond with your spouse, and never ever miss ovulation. Need help tracking ovulation? Check out this post on the best fertility monitors.. It is a win-win-win decision. The only reason not to is if you struggle with low sperm counts. And even then, it might help, contrary to what doctors have been saying. Check out my whole blog post about this here, complete with research citations!
- Make sure you enjoy yourselves. Evidence suggests that the more aroused your partner is and the longer his state of sexual arousal, the higher the amount of healthy sperm he ejaculates. Research shows that the more satisfied the woman is with sex the more sperm she is likely to retain!
- Enjoy the morning. Have sex first thing in the morning-research show sperm counts are slightly higher in the morning. So take advantage of his natural state upon, ahem, arousal. But don’t sweat it if you can’t do morning, counts are only slightly higher :-).
- Avoid anal sex all the time while trying to conceive. The bacteria possibly transferred from anal sex can create long-term low lying infections that prevent conception. If you think you might be at risk for an infection, talk to your doctor to see if you need antibiotics.
- Avoid oral sex during your fertile time. Saliva is detrimental to sperm motility and progression. I know ladies, this totally sucks for us :(. If you want to engage in oral sex, do it at the beginning and end of your cycle, so it is less likely to be during your most fertile days.
- Use fertility-friendly lubricants. Go ahead and use lube- it helps everyone enjoy the whole experience a lot more! But absolutely no KY, no Astroglide, or other traditional lubricants which are terrible for sperm, and contain toxic parabens. Your best bet is a water-based, paraben-free lube like Baby Dance, which is new on the market and the only one of its kind. We used organic extra virgin coconut oil when we got pregnant successfully the second time, but I have since learned that potentially all oils are detrimental to the mobility of sperm. It is probably still fine, but if you want to be extra careful do the paraben-free, water based lube. Be aware that although most “sperm-friendly” lubricants like Pre-Seed do well in clinical tests for sperm mobility, they usually have endocrine disrupting parabens in them which are linked to infertility! So always check your ingredients!
- Make gravity your friend. Around your most fertile time finish sex with positions that utilize gravity to ensure that the sperm are deposited as close to your cervix as possible. Variations on missionary and doggy-style are recommended. Avoid woman on top for his final ejaculation. Unsurprisingly there have been no studies that video tape couples having sex and then use an ultrasound to see where the sperm were deposited, but there was one super awkward MRI study that did show that missionary or doggy style gets the ejaculate the closest to the cervix.
- Cuddle afterward (or just relax lying down) for 30 minutes. First of all, snuggling your guy and lying around afterward is definitely good for the soul and bonus- those little sperm won’t have to fight gravity. There is one study potentially backing this up that on IUI. It showed that women who lay on their back for 15 minutes had a 27% chance of pregnancy after three tries, where as women who got up immediately had an 18% chance. Hey, I’ll take any improvement in chances I can get! Tell your husband the internet said a minimum of five minutes lying down afterwards is required (plenty of time for the sperm to get where they need to be), but that up to 30 minutes is best. That way if you have to pee after five minutes you can get up and he won’t be worried, but if you want to just lay around and read a book while your husband does the dishes you’ll have a good excuse.
- Have an orgasm. Evidence shows that women who orgasm between one minute before the male orgasm, or up to 45 minutes after the male orgasm had higher retention of sperm than those who did not orgasm or who orgasmed more than one minute before their partner. It is thought that the reason why is that during the female orgasm uterine contractions help to move the sperm up into the uterus and the fallopian tubes. If you have a hard time orgasming and trying to have one makes you stressed, buy yourself a vibrator. Then, you can have an orgasm every time and the pressure is off your partner. Don’t use it the whole time, just use it to help with climax. Vibrators don’t damage fertility as long as everything is kept clean (use a non-toxic soap!). If you are scared to go into a sex shop to pick one out (and I would be terrified to google “best vibrator” personally), just get my favorite from Amazon. It’s small, discreet, non-threatening, very quiet, and has a low but adjustable vibe. Of course- don’t worry if you don’t orgasm every time- it isn’t a big deal. Those sperm know where to go! Do enjoy yourself though- research shows that women were more likely to become pregnant if they enjoyed themselves during sex!
- Mix it up! There is no special “baby-making sex.” Sometimes sex becomes stressful when trying to conceive because we think everything has to be candles, romance, and sweet-missionary style love-making. Candles and romance are not required- unless they are your preference! Enjoy sex, and enjoy each other. Talk to each other about your fantasies, and try different kinds of foreplay, sex positions, and different locations. If you want more, check out my free e-book on keeping baby-making hot during infertility!
Yes! Baby-making sex can be HOT!
Ready for better baby-making sex? Find out the simple way we made our sex lives absolutely amazing after years of infertility.
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Anna Rapp is a fertility journalist and non-toxic living expert. When Anna Rapp was struggling with infertility and recurrent early miscarriage, she was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve, High FSH, low AMH, low follicle count, endometriosis, and an MTHFR mutation. Despite being told donor eggs were her only solution, Anna used her graduate training in research methods and analysis to read everything she could find on fertility and egg health. Ultimately, she lowered her FSH and got pregnant naturally (twice). She blogs about how she did it and encourages her readers to take charge of their fertility journey and get happy, healthy, and pregnant!